My mom rocks. I don't know why I was worried about telling her. Correction, I do know. If my writing seems sufficient enough, then inversely my speech suffers at times. Especially in the form of confessionals and explanations. I'm simply not adept at self defense utilizing rhetoric and words. Essentially, I haven't ever HAD to defend myself that way. My actions usually speak for themselves.
She recalled when I was in high school we watched a movie called The Sum Of Us (I believe it had Russell Crowe in it). It was about a young gay man and his straight dad each looking for respective mates. I had become severely flustered and fidgety while watching it, and when the romantic scenes came about, I promptly feigned that I needed to be somewhere else in a hurry. I had forgotten about that. It's a prime example of my forced rejection of "that kind" of lifestyle for the first 25 years or so of my life. Maybe I'll go find that movie now and watch it on purpose.
My sis is great to. She's the kind of soul that will give you a hug and kick your butt all in the same moment. Yes, I got beat up by my little sister. Frequently. Man, could she bite. And scratch. But, I don't have any battle scars to speak of so I was just being a big baby. I despised fighting back anyway. The women in my life are all significantly stronger than I am. Even at their low points, they still have the gumption to help me on my path.
I've told a few close friends at work now as well. I'm discovering that there is nothing to be afraid of. The fear is slowly being dispersed.
It's the rest of the family I have to watch out for. I haven't told anyone yet who has inherent adverse reactions to such things. My dad will be the most difficult. Even harder than my wife. And I've come to be extremely close with her family. My mom and dad-in-law are two of the most amazing people I know. They are all compassionate enough, but that sense of compassion is coupled with a strong sense of life long, faith based responsibility. I don't think I need to explain to visitors here how easy it is to get on the bad side of individuals who lose themselves in narrow-minded diatribes.
I can feel it creeping up. It's going to pounce with the ferocity of a caged cat. I feel like Atreyu about to confront the Morg. It's following me at a breath's distance and the feral air is making my muscles cringe. At this same time last week, I had not even an inkling I'd be attempting this. I was content to be swept away by the Nothing. By this time next week, maybe I'll be able to see the gleam from the Ivory Tower.
I've been reminded that Monday is Valentine's Day. Screw your courage to the sticking place. So to speak. That's all I have to say about that.