Thursday, February 03, 2005

Daily Nugget of Joy (The Life of an Ass)

I have this recurring and haunting realization about what an ass I am. It flares up frequently. I'm the biggest one I know. Because I am lying about my life. And I don't do anything about it. And I don't WANT to do anything about it because I'm scared. It's so incredibly childish. I don't want to talk about it and hope that someday it will just go away. But it's not going to go away. I was not raised this way. I don't necessarily need to grow balls, but maybe a spine would be nice.

I was so tired this morning. I turned the alarm off in my sleep, woke up an hour later and was consequently late to work. I hate that. My wife works in the evening and doesn't get home until after 1 in the morning most nights. So she can't help me wake up because she has problems with it herself, functioning on only a few hours sleep before the monkeys of the apocalypse (my sons) awake from their slumber. Even worse, the older monkey now knows how to use the snooze alarm, so sometimes nobody gets up and he misses school. It's happened far too frequently. I foresee a big problem next year when he starts going to kindergarten. Why is it that I have kids again? Oh yeah, because I'm an ass.

I later fell asleep in my chair at work for a good couple hours. I hate that, too. Maybe I'll make it to the gym today. Maybe I'll just go to bed when I get home. Sorry kids no Daddy today, everyone's going to bed. Right now. Cause I'm an ass.

My coworkers at work decide to watch their prime time TV at lunch. Goddamn American Idol. And your hideous addictive nature. This is why I don't have cable. Because I guess I am a sheep. I feel terrible because I laugh at their misfortune. And I am ten times better than some of those other sheep. Then again, they do bring it on themselves. Can we say...ass?

I see they raised the age limit to audition on the show. Maybe I should be the next American Idol. I'm such an ass, someone should give me a wake up enema. No wait, I might enjoy that.

Hopefully I'll be less of an ass tomorrow but I doubt it.


1 comment:

mortie said...

Hi Simon, i was just roaming about in the blogworld and came accross yours. I cant say i know anything about being gay but when it comes to being an ass i know quite a bit. I also know a lot about being an actor and a spy(not james bond like, never had much luck with the ladies and always got my butt kicked by the bad guys!)
What i'm trying to say is, you're not very different from me or anyone else. We're all just trying to get through life the best we can.
Hope you find peace.