Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Digging The Hole Even Deeper

I'm a bloggin' fool today.

I think I could probably succeed as a spy. I mean, spies don't have public blogs, I'm sure, but hey I went for years without expressing any of this and could probably have done it for years more. I can be a fantastic little actor if I want to be. I am quiet and ordinary enough to blend in without being noticed. I know the value of things that are not said. I can hear several conversations at once and most of the time I'm not even listening on purpose. I don't envy the life of a spy, though.

I gave away a secret once in the eighth grade. Like the stupid kids we were, a friend had entrusted me with his hush-hush bit and I unflinchingly blabbed it to the rest of the tiny population at the lunch table. Nobody proceeded to fly off the planet because the world hadn't stopped spinning. While the earth had not shattered, but my friend's trust had been. I could see the thousands of fragments free fall from his face like a broken mirror that had several sharp stones flung into it at full force. That was the first and last time I ever gave away someone's secret no matter how trivial.

I wonder, at times, how much my wife suspects something is up. She has a right to be wary, after all for our years together, I have built a reputation in the family for pulling the proverbial rabbit out of thin air. For a family with such biblical values, I sure do get them to lie for me often to make up cover stories. It's all innocent, banal things. like birthday surprises and the like, but a lie is still a lie no matter how you slice it. So plots and projects going on behind the scenes have always been around. I'm usually the instigator.

One thing you learn when you have a secret is how to pick your words wisely. I don't really say what's on my mind most of the time. I let others ask the questions. I know it frustrates her. She's asked me before if I ever thought of having a liaison with another woman. "Nope, you won't ever have to worry about that honey." And that is of course the truth. Oddly, for all of our frank talk about sex and affairs, she's never asked if I would be interested in a person of the same gender. She's probably as scared to find out the answer to that question as I am to give the answer to her.

Somebody posted a comment (interestingly anonymous) saying I should get a site meter to find out where and when people are coming from to view the blog. While it's a great suggestion I've gotten from more than a few people now, unfortunately, I think at this time it might just add to my current level of paranoia. I'm tempted but sometimes ignorance (and dare I say unintentional irresponsibility) truly is bliss.

Totally unrelated, but holy heck, there was this hottie at the gym tonight who may as well have not been wearing a shirt, it was so incredibly transparent and skin tight. Not that it's a bad thing. But it was a little distracting. No wonder my center of balance is so off. Another reason I couldn't be a spy, I'd fall for the handsome villain way too often.

Be advised, this message will self destruct in 15 seconds.


1 comment:

"the" Mrs. Astor said...

I've always been convinced that mothers "sense" gayness in a son. Heck, my mother used to call me Lady Astor. I just wonder if the same sensibility exists in a wife; I will never know. Often your site just leaves me speechless, but it's fascinating.