People usually know my coming out story by now. My identity takes on far more forms than just being gay, but this blog will always have it's roots in my coming out. Secret Simon was born out of the will to BE born whether acceptance prevailed or not.
These days I find it's not something I dwell on. For me I count my blessings every day that it was swift and it's sting was minimal, like finding a splinter, perhaps stuck in your chest and working it's way to your heart. Had that thorn continued it's path I can't even imagine what damage it would have done. It had to come out.
I do look through those first few months every now and then to remind myself it all actually happened and I'm not dreaming. I keep things intact here as it seems I still will always find some kind of audience, as there will always be those who are inextricably stuck in their own closet. That's why I keep this around. That's why I came back to it instead of scrapping the whole thing.
Today I proclaim that I have no qualms about telling you who I am, without mountains of explanation or a prepared statement. The why is quite simple. The rest is just a long and often told history.
I have no idea who reads this anymore. But if even one person is able to find their gumption, one lost soul who feels he has no cause, I hope through reading these words that they are helpful and hopeful. They make it worth all of this. If this often scared little boy can do something of this sort, I'll bet you can too.
Attention all ye with a camera and will be alive in approximately two days!
On Thursday, it will be Oct. 12th. In accordance with the international "12 of 12" photo project started by the fab Chad Darnell, this means I shall attempt to produce 12 pictures of events throughout the day, but in my own particular (or is that peculiar) miluex.
I have yet to decide whether I'll be sketching or being a mad scientist with photos. But you can see the set I did in May: 12 of 12...
Firstly, you will love your child. You don't have much choice in that. If you think you do, don't become a parent.
Secondly, you will not always like your child. You will even be angry with your child sometimes. But you will still love them and you will work it out in a rational way. If you think you can't do this, don't become a parent.
Thridly, you will get tired. A lot. Some of us may look like we're depressed, but we're not. Really we're just tired. Most of us have two jobs after all, one of which is used to pay for the other.
Sometimes this happens because things happen in the middle of the night. You like to have time to yourself but it ends up being after the kids have gone to bed. And then you don't get as much sleep as you should anyway.
Sometimes this is why when your autistic younger monkey decides at 1 in the morning to wake the dead out of you with unconsolable wailing at the top of his vocal chords and your elder monkey is clinging to you because you think someone has come into your house, attacking your children, hiding in the shadows waiting for slumber to set in again to make it's move...
You will not sleep because you can't. You will be tired because the your younger monkey wants to sleep in his blanket with you all night. You will be sick because you are allergic to his blanket and you can't breathe. You will be angry at the people who aren't there in your house but still scare you anyway. You will be irritated when morning rolls around and your kids are wide awake but you are not.
And you will still love your child. If you can do this, be a parent. We need more of your kind.