Time Warp

A week? It's been a week? How'd that happen.

If I wanted to chronicle every detail that has happened in the last week or so this post would be about the length of a short novel. I really enjoy my daily fix of blogging now. I kick myself for every day that goes by and ends up being time for bed and I can't type two words without passing out. I've more to say now than ever it seems. However, it's only fair to spare you from posts that read something like
"sakldjfghawer erkjgbhsdÅ@ǧÇVàVÇV tyÇ¡Ç¡hÅGÅGÇ≥fdvs khdkhsdf gjkh;;[pp"
after my face smashes onto the keyboard mid-thought from exhaustion. Which happens. Hence the slight discoloration that has seeped under the clear plastic casing of the keyboard from not being able to clean out the drool. So here's the abridged version of what I meant to post on those days.

4/1 Fri: How To Be An Invisible Man
April Fool's Day. Ever play a trick on yourself? I should give seminars on it. Also my Awesome Mom-in-Law's Birthday. I am going to miss being legally related to this family someday.

4/2 Sat: Monkey No. 1's Fifth Birthday
Instead of going to work like I usually do on Saturday I stayed home to try and clean. That didn't get too far when I found a $25 gift card for the grocery store. Yay! More organic treats for the monkey's. Took my mom grocery shopping, then watched the boys while my wife had a night out. Deservedly so.

4/3 Sun: Monkey No. 1's Birthday Party.
The weather was Incredible so we had it outside. It was full of some Bam!, a little Pow! and other sundry Shazams! The cake I made was quite Incredible as well. Not that there was any kind of theme or anything. Probably more on this later.

4/4 Mon: Sneezing Fits + No Sleep x Busy Weekend = No Work Today

Today I passed out for most of the day and woke up at 3PM. Which invariably means something has hit the fan at work and I'll have some fixer-up to do tomorrow.

Random Visual Poetry: In the Monkey Containment Center at the gym (a.k.a. the child care room) I passed by something like squashed gourd that had been chucked against concrete, with some semblance of eyes, fingers, mouth, nose and all it's secretions binding it together, like a Dali painting trying to commit osmosis through the glass panes. He pulls his suction away for a moment to giggle at me as I wave "Hi" and then resumes his newly acquired ability in the aquarium.

Got a surprise package in the post from my dear sister. It contained a new vegetarian cookbook, a new CD of Emiliana Torrini: Fisherman's Woman which she accurately described as "finally found something you'll like and will be surprised at how much you like it" and an old, small newspaper clipping that probably only I would deem as cool:

Two of my best guys, Ben and Duncan, at the same concert? Why I didn't go is beyond me. My sis rocks. That's all there is to it.

Too bad my final experience of the evening ended in a phone call making my wife upset again. Blargh.

4/5 Tue: Dinner at Moe's
Cavorting with Monkey No. 1 for the evening. My wife feels better again. I think. Girls confuse me. More on this later, too.

4/6 Wed: Observing Official Bring Your Sick Monkey To Work And Not Get Anything Done Day

I celebrated by:

1. Bringing Monkey No. 2 to the doctor's to determine the hacking he's been at is now bronchitis.
   
2. Picking up prescription at the drugstore while Monkey tried to flip out of shopping cart.
   
3. Stopping by my house to pick up some things, like my cell phone which my wife has said I should staple to my head along with my wallet and car keys. It takes a total of 3 seconds for Monkey to successfully knock over newly organized piles of bills and other important papers and a computer.
   
4. Going to work where "Oh yeah, forgot, he's three." Even though he's sick he's not lethargic, except for sweating from the marathon of chasing said Monkey through a warehouse without his pants on. And cleaning my swivel chair of a dissected almond butter and elderberry jam sandwich (which is profusely tastier than regular PB&J* by the way.) He's still not old enough to sit still for the Incredibles all the way through. But a singing cucumber doing the tango with a manatee named Barabra has him mesmerized. Sorta.
   
5. So after getting tired of "GB, sit!" "GB, no!", "GB, stop painting yourself with permanent marker." and of course "GB, get down from the robot cockpit before you hurt some unsuspecting galaxy." we left early.
   
6. He finally crashed on the ride home. And I crashed when we got home.
   
7. Conspired with mom-in-law to make balsamic roasted chicken, sauteed spinach and mashed cauliflower for dinner which really hit the spot.
   
8. Then I went back to work until midnight. Cause I can.
   

Today: Currently slipping through the stream...maybe more later. Maybe.

*PS. Some countries think it's weird that we spread peanut butter and jelly together between slices of bread, but then I probably wouldn't eat Raw Horse Flesh Ice-Cream either so it's probably an even trade. If you want to see more wacky flavors make sure to start at the beginning. "Strong stomach required to view this photo gallery."

Peace,
Simon