Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I've Got That Feeling Again...In Between My Toes

My ass smells like bananas.

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.*

I was so proud of myself for actually sticking to my brand new "Wake up at 4AM to get out of work by 2PM" routine this morning. Things were going well. I had time to shower, shave, find socks without holes in them and even make a smoothie to drink on the way to work.

Now's the part where you put on your 3-D glasses that were given to you on the way in. At some point I confused the contents of my hands and upon trying to start my car, the lid popped off and spilled my morning libation...All. Over. Everything.

Right, so I'm not just clumsy. When I spill it's usually in conjunction with all kinds of other sound effects that imply height and breadth. Splattered is good. As is hurtled and smashed. With a touch of sloshed, gurgled and oozed.

Now of course I've this fabulous sticky sweet concoction permeating all my clothes, the seat of my car, the driveway, the windshield, all the essential operating pedals...the roof. It's dark and cold and there is definitely something in my socks that shouldn't be there. Somehow, my underwear has escaped unscathed.

About an hour delay, many towels and a change of clothes later (alas my socks are holy again) I make it to work. My butt is thankfully not wet but still I'm sure people will wonder why there are whiffs of a produce section whenever I amble by. The fruity aroma was pleasant enough this morning but I can't wait to see what my car smells like this afternoon.

Ah, well. I would be far more annoyed with all this if I wasn't consistently a Genuine Grade-A Clutz. And because if this was an olympic event I'd have scored the gold with this particularly brilliant technique in my car. Twice before already.

Peace,
Simon

*(Anyone care to guess this movie line? Maybe I'll give you a prize...)

12 comments:

Sean said...

It's The Princess Bride, Mandy Patinkin a.k.a. Inigo Montoya.

What did I win? :)

Larry said...

DO NOT wander anywhere near fruit bats today, OK?

Signalite said...

Sean: Wow, that was fast... check your email.

Larry: Hm, that might be tricky on my way to the Batcave but I'll take it under advisement.

Adam said...

Oy! This sounds like something my partner would do. In his own words he needs me to "navigate the physical world."

Ms. S'ghetti said...

Damn, And I soooo knew that answer.

there should be a prize for second place.

Tuna Girl said...

Sweetie! Your readers are probably mostly gays and fag hags. Of course we'd know every line from The Princess Bride. ;-)

I know someone who spilled a Cosmo (more fun than a smoothie!)in his car and got fruit flies. Be careful. Mop up. ;-)

David said...

Well, it's actually Indigo Montoya, not Inigo, but I don't suppose there's anything in that black bag for me.

Atari_Age said...

Oh god what a mess... That is when I turn around and call in sick. The day is screwed.

BTW, David... it IS Inigo. :P

Billy said...

What's the prize?

RcktMan said...

AaAGH! Innigo Montoya from Princess Bride! (I knew it BEFORE I saw all the comments.) GOD I love that movie.

Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Jerry said...

Let's be glad that the Gwen Stefani reference is far too easy to use here.

Jase said...

err.. what's The Princess Bride? And for full disclosure, I DID get the Gwen Stefani reference! ;)