Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sandman's Poison

My dreams are becoming more frequent, intense and vivid than they've ever been before.

I can't remember everything that went on but the end to last nights was quite clear. I was back in school and my Japanese teacher told us to turn to page 75 in our books and read about Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends but instead was a series of primal cave illustrations about tigers and dogs. Then we started cleaning some old maze of a house. In the midst I came across a kneeling woman who was on the offensive, hurling clouds of dust and oil at me from under the carpet (and I think some spewed forth from her mouth as well). There was so much of it that I could feel it pierce my eyes, yet I still kept them open to see what was happening. Her insults were a blind flurry of hatred about random, odd things in the world that have nothing to do with me, but were my fault anyway. I can't remember all she said exactly. However, the snarl on her face and contempt for my life made me so enraged that I rushed to scream and strangle her. It was so intense that, for the first time I think, I woke up in a fit of anger, sitting in bed with my arms straight out in front of me, clenching my fists, holding onto thin, cold air as hard as possible and with my arms in extreme pain from the tension.

It was 3 AM again. As soon as I could breath again I tried to go back to sleep but I don't think I was too successful. Oh yeah I also had, um...quite a raging erection.

Blargh. What the hell is wrong with me?

May your dreams be more at peace than mine have been...



Christian said...

My dream interpretation:

Dreaming that you're young and in school again foretells that you will make mighty efforts to recall lost opportunities, and that prosperity and usefulness (probably in your endeavor to reclaim your lost opportunities) will envelop you.

Any house in a dream might indicate your family life...so dreaming it was a "maze" might indicate that you're feeling lost currently, and want to find your way back to normalcy. The old woman and the dust is just further "clouding" of the issues you've been facing within your personal life.

Sounds like your brain is doing some mighty important work, there, buddy!

FD said...

Simon can I just say I love love LOVE your blog. I came across it, starting reading and promptly went to the beginning of your story.

I'm a 35 year old, straight (but not narrow) woman and my very best friend of 20 years is gay. I was his last girlfriend and had been in love with him forever (since high school). We were in our 20's when he came out while it hurt at the time, I still had that love, but it changed for me from being IN love to a deep friendship love that I wouldn't give up for the world. I know it was hard for him, just as it was hard for you. I hope your wife continues to read this and know that any pain she feels will eventually subside and the true friendship love will take over. I have no blame for my friend. People are who they are, and in the end, you can not deny your true self (and if anyone really loves you, they wouldn't ask you to). Be sensitive, be encouraging, but most of all, be proud.

Will said...

Hi, Simon--I found your blog today and it brought back many feelings--I have been where you are and come out the other side. I will be in touch more later as I have to get back to work--
but I will be a regular visitor and would like to include Secret Simon on my blog link list.

All best--

Ray said...

Simon, you’ve got to stop eating sauerkraut right before bedtime. :)

Brian said...

I find that when I'm dreaming a lot I am on the verge of a major breakthrough. That, or it's the meds.

Signalite said...

Christian - Any insights about my relationship with my second removed cousin and his obsession with cheese?

Zan - Tanks.

Will - You are linked too!

Ray - Hmmm, I'd say more like the week old tofu and rice since I am poor and hungry.

Brian - What? You mean those little green and white candies they've been feeding me are meds? I've been had!