Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Blinded By Mr. Clean's Bald Spot

The weather has a direct influence on my mood and amount of work I get done at any given time. For some reason, even though it's raining today, I woke up, got to work early today and felt really upbeat. It's also like mid summer. The affliction that X-man put me through at the gym yesterday might have a hand in it. Push-ups and pull-ups to failure made me sore but remarkably energized. Hmmm, I did forget my happy pills though. Again. But it wouldn't be a proper day if I didn't leave something at home or work.

So upon arrival, I made breakfast for me and my office mate, El Scooby, and then proceeded to clean. On the occasion I do get inspired to clean, everyone should be advised to please move aside. Because you see, all the lack of tidying up is merely a chance to build up the proper inertia to unleash my Level 15 Cleaning Melee. On the weekly cleaning chores at work, if I clean the bathrooms you could probably eat off that toilet seat. Yes, even the side nobody bothers with because it's next to the wall and therefore has a nice buildup of urine and other fluids. I say, bring it on. Cleaned my desk, (I can see the surface again!) cleaned out my email that had been building up since January, and regroup with a new To-Do List for all the projects that I'm wading through. I do this about once every life changing event so I figured it was about due. Plus I couldn't see my computer monitors without engaging in some kind of Mission: Impossible type task.

My job requires a lot of organizational and planning skills. I'm not sure how I've made it this far. Actually, I do know. You know that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." saying? Probably a big driving factor in why I have to take the happy pills these days. In my youth, it was piles and piles of paper, many with one tiny scribbling in the corner that I thought would be invaluable someday. Dissected Transformer parts (don't tell Grandma!). And we can't forget the cache of Sunday morning whole wheat toast hidden in the closet cause it tasted like it was GOOD FOR ME. My dad also had a habit of saving every shred of evidence that I had, in fact, existed. Every time I try and clean out those files the mold and dust go straight to my sinuses which I have to drain every 5 seconds. Thanks, Dad.

Now with all these newfangled computers I've evolved into a digital pack rat of the worst kind. E-mail from years ago, ridiculous quotes, useless trivia, random songs, unfinished projects, sketches and writings that remain in limbo, and the photos I meant to send out to relatives; It's all there in mass amounts. It is organized in a fashion that the untrained eye would gaze upon as chaos. It works for my brain but I don't attempt to explain it to anyone else. I feel sorry for any poor sap who would need to take my place though. Maybe along with a living will I should leave instructions on how to deal with my desktop. "Hi. If you are reading this, I'm not around anymore which means if you need anything off this hard drive here's what you need to do: 1) Open up any word processing program. 2) Type all the definitions of "screwed." 3) Add your name at the end, and submit it for the next version of the dictionary. Have a nice life!"

I am getting better though. It only took me a couple hours as opposed to a few days. There wasn't any indiscernible rotting plant life or fruit, unopened bills from six months ago, or that thing I was supposed to send to that guy in the place last month. It's happened before. I did find a flyer for a seminar on "How To Be A More Effective Project Leader Through Organization and Motivation." But I seem to have missed it already. What a shame.

Sometimes I'll find treasures I thought had been lost for eternity. It's classic me. I think I've lost and found my wallet, car keys, gym tag, the stylus for my tablet, my mind and other small things, at least once a month for the last decade. Speaking of which, I've been losing weight, which has in turn made me lose my wedding ring. It was there on my finger and then, well, it wasn't. I am afraid it's been washed down the shower drain or is now decoration for a mouse hovel. I can't even track back to a specific "When did I see it last?". I'm still crawling over the mountains of crap that are in my house (my next impending blitzkrieg) but I'm a bit pissed at myself for it. I suppose it's an omen or some kind of karma or whatever, but it still stings that it's suddenly just gone.



rich said...

you are a hoot.

"the" Mrs. Astor said...

Sweet Simon, you still leave me speechless; but I have never stopped reading and thinking about you. Take care, dear.

David said...

You know I probably know some gay men who would pay you to let them eat off your toilet seat. Could be an investment opportunity there.