Sunday, September 23, 2007

Don't Touch the Precious Things

Since I am also known as Mom's Taxi Service she is pretty much housebound all week when I am not around. So I try to find things that need done to be sure she gets out on weekends.

It hasn't been a problem lately as she's been downsizing her items as well. The weekends have been filled with several trips to the Goodwill, trading in DVDs, donating to the library. Today was all about finding a new refrigerator that won't randomly freeze the lettuce overnight and to search for new pants. I have no idea if these things are related.

We found a prospective fridge at Hardware Uberstore but it seems to be too tall for my kitchen. We also learned that the bathroom aisle is a replica of the foreboding set from "When Toilets Attack!", a heartfelt musical/slasher film with singing toilets interspersed with shrieks of terror.

Being the Local People that we are we continued onto the Local Outlet Shop that trains the cashiers to say things like "Oh, Fiddle Faddle!" over the loudspeaker while searching for return slips.

Mom is, like myself, somewhat of an anti-fashionista. Buying clothing is one of the things I put at the bottom of my priority list, right next to immunizing hippos for herpes. Putting aside the probable candidacy for What Not To Wear, she has lost so much weight her already baggy clothes have started to swallow her whole. New pants of some sort are in order.

While she tried on the one pair that were neither floral explosion nor plus sized (this is Florida after all) I occupied myself with the wall of VHS for sale located in the Petite section. If I am ever in need of any movie sequel on VHS I will know where to go. The Sandlot 2. Critters 3. House Party 2, 3, and 4!

Also sandwiched in the midst of Steven Seagal and Barber Shop 2 was Trick. I was most amused by visions of any one of the meandering blue-haired clientele picking this up at discount savings for a fun afternoon with Coco Peru. You remember, this movie with Neve's brother and Tori Spelling? I've always wanted to try playing the piano with a partner ever since.

Then, while waiting for mom to figure out her newly acquired debit card to purchase her new pair of pants and two books of sudoku, all for under ten dollars, I realized I might very well be "The One".

No offense but if your last name happens to be Smith please don't call. I've moved.


Lee said...

LOVE the shades!

And it sounds better than my parents' Atlantic-side Florida life - Going to doctors appointments almost everyday. (If one thing ain't falling off/out, its another)

David said...

Mom looks like a good sport.

Dean said...

Hottie McHot Hot... nice.

cb said...

Hello Neo.

Daniel said...

hey simon... long time no chat! was thinking about you today and had to google you to find you again. some how you fell off my blogroll when i switch software :(

looking very sexy these days, hizzah!