Friday, September 14, 2007

Boys and Their Toys

I'm going to be rather blunt, a skill I've honestly only learned by rearing offspring. I often think without them I'd be some hermit in an underground lair, polishing the precious things.

Elder Monkey calls me up from school this afternoon with ten minutes left to go until the bus whisks them home in order to tell me about his man business. His actual man business.

"Daddy, my penis hurts. And there is some white stuff. No I can't ride the bus. It hurts!"

I feel bad of course, but being an hour away, I tell him to tough it out. Since I am the resident parental unit with the similar equipment, Daddy gets to deal with explanations of this sort. I'm totally not ready for this yet but at least it's something I know about.

This is fine with Mommy, who was unavailable for comment, as she is getting super embarrassed with all the naked flaunting of boy parts as of late. Modesty doesn't seem to be as highly understood a commodity as I had embraced it in my youth.

Seeing no end to the pain, off Elder monkey goes to the doctor with Mom. Younger Monkey of course accompanied them and gave his usual rambling and strangely related commentary track. Since he is a master at the bluntmanship, a transcript follows, translated into the langauge most appropriate for this conversation:

Oh hai ther, I'm [yunger munky], You R Dr. Jumba(?). Nice to meetya. *handshake*

I went to skool on da bus iwth my harness and went to Mz. Teechr's class. Then I ate da lunch. I had chipsss. And a penutbuder sammich.

U can do me a favor. My butt. U can looks at it plz? A fart came out of it. K Thnx.


Brad said...

I've been reading your stuff since you sarted writing again.

Although I seem to detect it's more about a journal for you, your mother and your (monkeys) kids right now, (and not worthy of a comment from me) you made me smile with your post today.

But, I gotta tell you, since it is so rare, my smile is worth a lot lately.

Take care, A.

Sharon said...

snork on the y.m.'s comments

David said...

From what I understand, and the little experience I have as an uncle, being embarrassed is something you just get used to. It's simply impossible to be a parent of a young child and not encounter it almost daily.

The Persian said...


It seems like only yesterday that I had two babbling little monkeys. My oldest just started driving school and my youngest is in a metal band.

Hold those precious moments in your heart, they pass ever so quickly.


john said...

I think that people get embarrassed by the things that children say it's because they are so honest.

cb said...

His penis HURT and there was white stuff?? Wow, that WILL need some discussion!

Paul said...

Oh, but to think that a fart is a medical condition!