First, you go here. (But then be sure to come back.)
Lately, I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep since I've no one to kick me in the face otherwise.
What did I ever do before I had a CD player in my car?
On Fridays at work just call me Mr. Clean.
If I don't hold my headphones they fall off my head.
School buses now have AIR CONDITIONING. What's the world coming to. Why, in my day... I didn't ride the bus.
The long-armed monkey in the wild reaches for his native food: cookies.
Somewhere there must be a saying about brotherly love that involves grocery carts, sulking, and downtrodden bananas.
Beware the macaroni thief that strikes at sunset.
Now think about doing your own next month.