Homework Bound

Each week, I pray to the homework gods that it will be a good week. I must not be making the proper sacrificial requirements since it seems to be getting harder with every passing day. Currently, the Elder Monkey has no video games for an indetermined time because he blew a gasket, a fuse and I think some vital fluid lines on a particular Tuesday two weeks ago when I said it was time to sit down and do the deed. How dare I!

Homework seems to have the opposite affect on this particular monkey than it's intended purpose. I usually do it with him since I have them in the afternoons. Which makes me as awful and hideous as that forbidden piece of paper with those squiggly things called words appears before him and out goes all manner of rational thought. But we do it and I'm sooooooooooo the devil. At the top of the hit list.

Oh, the impudence! The gall! How dare I make "i" come before "e" and other cryptic nonsense! A silent "gh" in "thought"? Bolderdash! Even and odd numbers? What whacko decided that was a good idea!? Growl, moan, mutter...

The Elder Monkey is in First Grade so it's only supposed to take all of ten minutes and sometimes ends up being over an hour. This is not all his doing of course. There are outside forces at work; the younger monkey, the dog, snacks, extremely urgent potty breaks, the younger monkey and the dog digging holes, swords, itchy clothes, poop, the younger monkey and the dog eating dirt... Goodness knows, there are battles to be fought (but not necessarily won) and treasure to be looked for (even if never found) so who needs homework!?

I know he can do it just fine and these distractions don't work on me much anymore. I have seen the proof when it clicks. He does have a point. The problem is he thinks like I do. I just went through a whole day of this stuff, why exactly do I have to do MORE? I try to steer him in the right mode of thinking. If the right motivation is presented though we get through it. As we read every night, he has still has stumbles on those boring words like "nearly" and "sometimes". But give him "sarcaphogas" and "tyrannosaurus" and his native tongue has been awakened.

Today was a good homework day. And so I make big freaking deal out of it and every one is happy for the moment. Tomorrow, however, is another Tuesday which means, writing a story of his own. He loathes long form writing with the fury of a raging bull. I am sure not to wear red on these days and make sure more erasers are on hand.

I will not be blamed for the tripping of any office fire alarms should you send burnt offerings at your hastily constructed post-it note and paperclip pyre in prayer for mercy on my meager soul. But thanks anyway.

To All Who Contemplate Parenthood

Firstly, you will love your child. You don't have much choice in that. If you think you do, don't become a parent.

Secondly, you will not always like your child. You will even be angry with your child sometimes. But you will still love them and you will work it out in a rational way. If you think you can't do this, don't become a parent.

Thridly, you will get tired. A lot. Some of us may look like we're depressed, but we're not. Really we're just tired. Most of us have two jobs after all, one of which is used to pay for the other.

Sometimes this happens because things happen in the middle of the night. You like to have time to yourself but it ends up being after the kids have gone to bed. And then you don't get as much sleep as you should anyway.

Sometimes this is why when your autistic younger monkey decides at 1 in the morning to wake the dead out of you with unconsolable wailing at the top of his vocal chords and your elder monkey is clinging to you because you think someone has come into your house, attacking your children, hiding in the shadows waiting for slumber to set in again to make it's move...

You will not sleep because you can't. You will be tired because the your younger monkey wants to sleep in his blanket with you all night. You will be sick because you are allergic to his blanket and you can't breathe. You will be angry at the people who aren't there in your house but still scare you anyway. You will be irritated when morning rolls around and your kids are wide awake but you are not.

And you will still love your child. If you can do this, be a parent. We need more of your kind.

littleblueghost

Asleep

Dawn.

Something sits on forehead.

Daddy, why are you still asleep.

Ekshuze me, um, daddy. I have a idea.

Daddy, get up. Daddy, get up. Daddy, get up.

Apple juice.

Find toaster. Check for roaches. Empty crumbs from toaster.

Waffles. Lego waffles. Lego Eggo waffles. Get it?

Daddy, out of apple juice.

Waffles too hot!

Okay milk then.

Pour milk at the table.

My cup. No, my cup. No, my cup, my cup!

Pour milk on the table. Pour milk on the floor.

Eat smash spill growl roar fling wee~!

Rumble of garbage truck.

Oy.

Saturday.

Daddy, why are you still asleep.