Sunday, August 20, 2006


Somehow, I've found myself in a bar the past three Saturday nights in a row.

There have been actual reasons for this though, however it is still highly unusual and could mean a few things.

  • One, I actually have friends to do things with every once in a while.
  • Two, I still don't like bars very much, but they are a million times better with someone you know in tow.
  • Three, you probably want to go to a bar with me since you'll never have to call a cab.
  • Four, You'll never have to call a cab with me around since I've still never had a glass, a pint, a shot, or never more than a sip.
  • Five, I've also never smoked anything, been stoned, gotten pierced, inked, or played tiddlywinks with a stranger's tonsils in the back room couch.

    Geez, am I a prude or what.

    Not that any of this sounds so appealing, but still. Far be it from me to say there is anything wrong with these things. If it's your thing be my guest. I'll even hold your keys and make sure you get home safely.

    I must admit, I have full respect for bartenders. They have to be on their toes and fingers all night long. I sat there one night, trying to be inconspicuous gazing at Matt, the scruffy red-haired bartender, pour, take orders, smile deviously, pour some more, squeeze thigns, poke things, and then fling glass like some kind of fine-tuned, beautiful machine. It was a perfected, inspiring choreography. And since I know nothing of physical coordination I am envious of it.

    But I suppose, as Mikey pointed out, it was kind of hard not to notice his pleasantly shaped butt. I usually don't even notice things like that, but even if I was straight I might have had to comment on it being there, bending over the take orders...several times. Along with the rest of him. Oh.In.Deed.

    I would be curious to see what would happen though, just once, should I happen to partake of enough spirits to make me "buzzed" or "sloshed" or whatever the cool kids say these days. Knowing my luck I'd end up being the crazy one. So far I've seen a happy drunk, a depressed drunk, a chatty drunk, a drunk email, a drunk dial, a hyper drunk, yes, but never a violent one. I also enjoy being aware of my senses.

    So jsut for the sake of pure curiousity, what do you like about the drink. It's enticement eludes me. I personally can't get past the taste of it. Give me your best enlightening description and maybe I'll, like, by you a drink someday. Bonus points if you can tell me what a hangover feels like and why you would put yourself through it again after getting one.

    PS. While your concern is duly noted I'm not going to start drinking. I realize all too well how it can become an addiction of the worst kind. I'm just curious about things I've no experience with.

    Michael said...

    None of this should convince you to start drinking. Much of it can be an 'acquired taste,' and an expensive one at that (the health benefits of drinking are mostly easily achieved with a healthy diet anyways). Plus, some of us hate being the designated driver, and love anyone else who'll take the job!!

    I drink beer (only good beer, natch) because it tastes good. If you don't like the taste of beer you probably just haven't had one you like - there are millions out there and each has its own character. I drink beer on lazy evenings chatting with friends (old, new, and potential).

    Wine is much the same, in terms of finding what you like, but I tend to drink it more in a thoughtful setting - reading a book, talking shop, etc.

    I'll admit that I tend to drink liquor when I need to convince myself to, say, get out on the dancefloor, but also I just like the stuff.

    As for hangovers, I just don't get them, so it's hard to say (hooray for hearty Russian/German stock).

    Larry said...

    I've never had a hangover either, because I always drink bottled water in between drinks. Of course the last time I even had a drink was 2003, but I digress.

    I am a hyper drunk. I bounce around and cling and tickle and tease. I am just about the most irritating thing since they started dying poodles pink.

    Don't drink. It isn't really worth it, though it's interesting to watch :)

    Michael said...

    Only having had one real hangover, I can tell you they are NOT worth having. When you wake up and you stumble outside and realize that you can definately not drive because you are STILL drunk from the night makes you reassess the reason for drinking. (In truth it was because my I had just been told that my friend Ed had died in a motorcyle accident the previous night)

    I rarely drink myself. I don't like the feeling of lost control, and I don't particularly like beer because it goes pretty much straight to my head. When I do drink though it's usually a shot of straight Whiskey because I like the flavour.

    Not to mention, I find being around a lot drunk people annoying. Most of my friends drink (or and I'd much rather be around someone that was high than drunk.

    If you want to know what a hangover feels like, I'll email you cause it's a long explaination, but I think you're on the right track only having sips of things. Seems to be the way to go because A)It should only make you slightly mellowed, and B) with the price of drinks at a bar...sips are the least expensive thing you can buy ;)

    Michael said...

    An important point: you can have *a drink* (or a few) and enjoy what your drinking, and maybe become a bit relaxed, without being drunk.

    Me? I'm a drunk ;-) I don't get drunk every time I drink - I drink slowly and if I've had enough I stop. Unless I want to get drunk, which is not uncommon, or unless or certain bartenders (Hi John, Casey, KT and Lisa!) think it's funny to watch, which is de regeur.

    Dean said...

    Are you telling us that the "tinfoil viking" incident was not alcohol related? Hhmm...

    I'm 36 years old - and have NEVER had a drink of alcohol in my life, or smoked ANYTHING.

    People are fascinated more by that fact than by a lot of other things that are true about me...

    Brian said...

    Drinking and/or getting drunk are highly overrated. You aren't missing a thing.

    Lee said...

    I don't even touch the stuff myself either (only on very rare occasions, like New YEars Eve) and it's iffy even then. I realized I just don't like the taste of the alcohol or how it makes me feel.

    I quit smoking 14 years ago and won't go back to it (Lungs are screwed) so, yeah, I'm a boring bar date.

    Six Shooter said...

    I tend to be the "friendly" drunk. It loosens me up (not THAT much) and I tend to be much more prone to invading your personal space (i.e. tonsils).

    Depending on the situation, I can also be the chatty drunk.

    Regardless, it's rare that I ever get SO sloshed that I don't still have some control over what I'm doing.

    And I have NEVER had a hangover, even the one time I blacked out and had to be carried home. (Ugh.)

    (Side note: was that a flirt on my blog? Cheeky monkey!)

    Signalite said...

    Dean: I was framed, I tell you! Never trust a conspiring gay shutterbug with camera at the ready.

    Six: Me flirt? Why whatever do you mean? :P

    I am a cheeky monkey. But I learned it by watching all of you. Damn bloggers.

    David said...

    I'm not much of a drinker myself but I do like it on the occasion. I learned to drink beer in Europe where they do it right, and can appreciate a really nice lager or ale. I love a nice wine with a fancy dinner. I rarely get drunk, as I too do not like the feeling of lost control. But a light tipsy feeling can be pleasant if you are in surroundings that feel safe and are with people you trust. I had only one real hangover, back in the college days, and I have no interest in going down that road again. Oddly enough, a drink or two makes it easier to make out with someone you'd normally be on the fence about. Not that this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm just sayin'.

    Six Shooter said...


    You did it again!

    I'm all flustered now ...

    Paul said...

    Drinking in moderation: Festive. Sometimes very festive. Better than singing to yourself in the shower.

    Hangover: Like a steam roller decided to drive across your bed with you in it. Dull pain, lack of orientation, groggy.


    Hey. It's great to see that you're out with friends!

    Mike said...

    To experience the hangover of the happy drunk without alcohol consumption:

    Drink no water or other liquid for an entire day (or two depending on body size)

    Set your alarm for two hours earlier than normal, ensuring less than 4 hours total sleep. Stay up late watching silly television or reading a trash novel or basically doing the one thing you don't normally let yourself do because it's a "time waster."

    Before falling asleep, insert several stretched out cotton balls across teeth and get the eye dilator ready by bedside.

    Upon awakening, drop eye dilation drops in and immediately say, "I SWEAR, I will never do that again."

    Walk around wondering how everyone can stand so much light in the world.

    Several hours later, eyes readjust, headache dissipates, and you truly awaken to the day. You'll start to remember how fun it was to escape into whatever treat you allowed yourself.

    Kinda like childbirth, (or so I'm told) the pain passes more quickly than the memories. Mind you, do this on the night before any important event (like a work day) and it'll be much less tempting to repeat.

    To experience the angry drunk, just take the additional step of calling several close friends just before bed and screaming out that you've always pitied them and only keep them around for cheap laughs. Slam phone down and then unplug.

    Chatty drunk does similar thing only says wonderfully complementary things and sometimes divulges interesting secrets. (being an East Coast transplant to SF, I used to get quite a few of these from old friends since in their mind it was SAFE to call three hours into the past)

    The slutty drunk isn't one I can currently give you directions for. I bobbled between happy and slutty myself for a few years, but I believe you have to be a bit of a slut to begin with. (and if you don't own the sluttiness, you'll be a sad puppy the next morning as you try to remember what you did)

    I could try for an explanation of the other things you mentioned, but this comment is already long enough.

    Aaron said...

    "a happy drunk, a depressed drunk, a chatty drunk, a drunk email, a drunk dial, a hyper drunk" - you forgot to mention they were all me

    catwoman said...

    one word. mudbutt.

    or maybe that's two.

    regardless, it's as awful as it sounds. maybe it doesn't happen to everyone who drinks, but it's enough to make me never want to do it again.