Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Wanted: Hot Straight Boyfriend

Not for me, silly. For my ex-wife.

I'm totally serious.

But they would need to go through me first for some training and verification of orientation. Because otherwise someone needs to love that woman the way that, um, apparently only a gay man can.

Example: When on a date and she asks if you like the shirt she is wearing, do not answer with "Do you like the shirt you are wearing?" And when she says "Not really." do not at that point say "Well, there you go then."

Especially when I already told her she looked fine in the shirt she was wearing.

This will only send her home, forlorn looking, put her head on my shoulder and then promptly renew her Netflix account to resign her to watching things like Evan Almighty and Donnie Brasco back to back.

9 comments:

Brad said...

It's my guess that the next boyfriend will have some really big shoes to fill.

Because you are as rare as a fine diamond, my friend.

Paul said...

Since you're always going to be connected to the ex through the monkeys, I think it sounds like a good idea that you get a vote. He needs to like you, too ... but only in that brotherly way of course.

(Women know when they don't look good wearing something and nothing ever seems to change their mind. I don't understand why they ask others for their opinion.)

Signalite said...

Brad: Well you know what they say about big shoes.

Paul: It's totally not my business of course.. but I can't help it if she asks for advice.

Dean said...

When you're done finding a boyfriend for her, will you find me one, too?

vuboq said...

Ooh. Yes. What Dean said ... only I don't want a straight one.

Tuna Girl said...

This is brilliant!!! You must facilitate all of her dating. It is the perfect solution to post-marital relationships.

David said...

(scuffs shoes) I guess I'm stuck in line behind Dean and vuboq.

I love you for using "snikt."

cb said...

Is the correct answer: I like it, but I'd like it even more on the floor next to my bed...

goblinbox said...

Tell the poor dear not to ask str8 men if they like what she's wearing. They don't CARE what she's wearing, unless it's really complicated to get OFF.

*hugs to the poor dear*